Sense & Knittability

The days of September are dwindling and so are the pages in S&S and the thread in my first ball of yarn.
My blanket is coming together, though there are quite a lot of mistakes, and I have about 70 or 80 pages until I am done with my first book in the JA Project and onto the next, which I believe is Emma.
I have to confess (this always happens to me) that I have like 50 other books I want to read right now in addition to Emma, and its hard not to get off track. I want to reward myself for reading something literary by reading something cheesy, trashy, chick-litty or just something else on my shelf.

Side note: I recently went to an outlet mall with my mom and husband. We only had 30 minutes so we all split up so we could go to the stores we wanted. I of course found the bookstore, which impressed both my mom and husband greatly, and returned to the car with 4 hard back books that I got for $20. And new releases at that! I digress...

I must stay the course with my project. I really want to read all of Austen's books and I am going to try to do so by the end of the year. I hope I don't regret saying that (that's only 3 months!).
Honestly, I have no idea how S&S is going to end right now so I have to hold myself back from watching the movie, which I purchased for a mere $5 at Target a couple weeks ago.
I am in a bit of a lull in the story. It seems that Willoughy is truly a jerk and really is married to someone else, and that Edward really is engaged to Lucy Steele and has no plans of breaking it off. I don't know what's going to happen with either story. I was pulling for Colonel Brandon and Elinor to get together, but I haven't seen much of him lately either. Will the Dashwood women return home after their prolonged stay in London with no resolution to their love lives?
Being the romantic that I am, I hope not.

I read a brief commentary in my copy of S&S and it was saying that in a biography of Jane Austen, written by a woman whose name I can't remember right now, the author proposes the theory that both Elinor and Marianne are based off of the personality of Austen herself. Marianne is of course her more emotional, opinionated, passionate side and Elinor the sensible has it all together and takes care of everyone side.

I think I have said this before but I definitely relate more to Elinor. I feel her stress of trying to make everyone happy, make everyone at peace and fix peoples problems. Maybe Jane was like me in that way, and also like me in the sense that she wished she could be more like Marianne and let out her emotional, passionate marianne-ness and let someone else clean up the mess.

Speaking of mess-my blanket. I feel like its a learning piece. I have begun to master how to rip out rows, but I still don't really know how to fix a dropped stitch. I look at it and I feel impressed and discouraged at the same time. I want it to be perfect, but I am also amazed at how good it looks and how far its come. Its really fun to be able to create something. It's relaxing, therapeutic and gratifying. My next debate is whether or not do continue in the baby blue or add in different colors.

Half Way Through S&S

I'm in a really good part of S&S, the part where you can't put it down because you just want to know what the heck is going on inside Willoughby's head! Oh my gosh, is he a complete ass, a "typical" noncommittal guy, or is there something else going on? Isn't it hilarious how women now and women then have the same relationship problems? Its like the 18th century version of "He's Just Not That Into You" and I'm sorry to say, Marianne, he's just not that into you! At least from what it seems like now. But seriously, what a jerk. I really hope that turns out not to be the case, but either way, its looking like a lose-lose siuation because he either betrayed Marianne or betrayed his fiance. Jane Austen is completely the inventor of the romantic comedy. I feel like most of our movies are present day versions of parts of her stories. She really is so good.

In other news:
I am watching Jon + Kate= Hate right now and it reminded me that last night I had a dream about them. I dreamed Kate was this really sweet lady and she and Jon were getting along really well despite the divorce and I felt so bad for them and wanted them to work things out. But then, in my dream, they went outside and had this huge screaming match that was so loud you could hear it inside the house. I'm not sure why I felt the need to share that. I guess my brain is working out some issues/feelings with Jon and Kate and their devastating story in my sleep.

Running

Often, the Voice Inside My Head tells me that I am a bad person because I do not run. Yes, I know this is very sad and lame, but it is true. I have non-runner girl guilt. Maybe its because I feel like I am the only person I know who doesn't take pleasure in pounding the pavement for hours on end or running races at the crack of dawn. Instead, when I run all I can think about is how my butt and thighs are jiggling, my chest feels like an elephant is sitting on it, everything hurts, and I should have worn a 3rd sports bra because the two I am wearing just aren't cutting it. I am also quite sure that I am one of those people who when you pass on the road you think to yourself. 'that poor girl is struggling, she should really take a break!'. These are the very things I was contemplating today when I went on a walk, sans Noah, and decided to try jogging a little.
This is quite the change from my former running self, and if my former self only knew that my present self would become this way, she would have refused to believe it. I used to be one of those crazy (or disciplined) people who woke up at 630 am to go on an 8 mile run before my college classes. But I never ran out of a passion for running, only an obsession with myself. Running was not something I loved or enjoyed but something I did because I "HAD" to. When I finally broke free from that I was able to see that I loathed running and instead thoroughly enjoyed walking. When I walk I can think, pray, look around, breathe and actually enjoy life while simeltaneously getting some exercise. For me, there is no guilt associated with walking, except for the recent realization that I am not running.
"I should run 1/2 marathons" I think to myself when I look around and see that pretty much everyone I know on the face of the earth has run at least 1 or 2 and is currently training for a marathon or triathalon or ironman. But once again, what is driving me to do this is not the love of running, but the belief that being able to run long distances makes me a better person. The thought that if I run I will be skinny, and the lie that being skinny means being happy. Sometimes I wonder if there is anyone else out there who does not run. Then I wonder if there is anyone else out there who really hates to run but thinks they have to because everyone else does or because that's how you stay "in shape", the p.c. phrase for skinny.
If you run and you love it I admire you. I think that's really cool. But me, I need to learn to be ok with 'just walking'. I need to stay true to myself and not let the competitive side of me take over. I am not in a competition with my friends or with women in general. I am not running a race to exercise the most, run the fastest, be the fittest, or look the best-even though the world will tell me otherwise. If I hate to run than I should not run. If one day I wake up and have the urge to run, whether that be for 30 seconds or for 30 miles than that is when I should run. But for right now I will take nice long walks, wearing only one sports bra and enjoying my surroundings without feeling and looking like I'm at death's door. So if there are any walkers out there, here's to you! We are no less than runners, just different and slower.

Loosing My Mind

I love being a mom, really I do, but some days (most days) I feel like I am loosing my mind. I hate being tired and I hate feeling out of control of my body and mind as I often do.
I don't think I slept at all last night because on top of Noah crying every 3-4 hours, I took a non-drowsy Claritin at 4 in the afternoon and it managed to keep me in this strange state of just barely asleep all night. How do insomniacs survive?
So today I am just tempted to keep Baby Einstein DVD's on repeat, drink 10 pots of coffee and eat chocolate. My house is a mess, even though I cleaned it yesterday for my Mother-in-laws visit and I can't even get Noah to take a nap. I used to be highly judgmental of this lady I nannied for who would pay me to come over so she could clean out her pantry and organize her closets and cook dinner, but oh how I now understand...

In my state of braindeadness I messed up my knitting project last night. It then took me two hours to correct it. I had to pull out 2 rows of stitches, but because I have never done that before and kept messing it up, it turned into more like 10 rows of stitches. Then I had to get all 140 stitches back onto the needle! This was almost impossible and I dropped so many stitches along the way. I almost gave up, but the dread of casting on 140 stitches again and completely starting over was my motivation to keep trying. After lots of sweating, swearing, researching in the Dummies Guide to Knitting and a large glass of 3 buck Chuck I managed to salvage my blanket, but only somewhat. We will see how the finished result looks.

I also caught up a bit on S&S yesterday afternoon. My date with myself turned into going to the Cleaners and CVS, but when Noah took a nap I got up to page 110. Elinor has just found out that Lucy Steele is secretly engaged to Edward, the man that she is in love with and who she thought loved her in return. Reading books from this time period can be so frustrating because you think "can't they just talk openly!". But there were so many social contraints and rules of the time that everyone just seemed to be left guessing-especially the women. However, in regards to the story it does create a great deal of dramatic irony and suspense for the reader, and like every good romance, leaves you wondering 'will they get together in the end?'.

We will see...

New Post

Yes, I realize I am behind on my posting, and my reading. Teething baby-enough said. I am only about 100 pages in to S&S, a bit behind my self-set schedule, which in case I haven't communicated yet, is to finish each book in a month or less. But I still have 20 days, and my mother-in-law is coming in town today so I might take some "me" time and go to Starbucks, have a pumpkin spice latte and catch up on some reading.

In other news, I have started a knitting project for the first time since Noah was born. Maybe I have already blogged about this, I don't know, I am so tired right now my brain feels like mush. I am knitting a light blue crib blanket in the stockinette stitch (my current favorite) with a garter stitch border-an Ann Norling pattern. This may also be contributing to my lack of reading because those of you who knit know that it can be really addicting (just one more row, just one more row...)
This is the biggest project (in size) I have done so far. I picked the smallest baby blanket pattern and it still required to cast on 140 stitches. I realize that is not a lot in terms of big projects, but I hate casting on and it took me forever and my arms were sore afterward. Does that count as a workout by the way? If there are any knitters reading this blog, how to you keep track of the stitches you are casting on without have to go back and count. I think I counted 3x and I'm still not sure that I cast on 140 stitches. I don't know how I am going to realize my dreams of knitting an afgan (no idea how to spell that word, and no I don't mean the people group, I mean the blanket) if I can't even cast on 140 stitches.
I have already made a ton of mistakes, which the perfectionist in me hates. I really need to take a class on fixing your mistakes, but that just sounds so boring. So I guess what that says about me is that I want to be perfect, but I don't want to try, ha.
I will try to post a picture of my progress and also write a post on S&S. Is anyone else reading? Any thoughts?

Fall is in the Air

Fall is definitely, by far, my most favorite season of the year. I wish it was always fall, except for at Christmas and then I want it to be a snowy white winter. However, if it was always fall than I wouldn't get so excited when the change begins to happen.
The last week has been such a wonderful taste of the coming fall. 65 degree mornings, pumpkin spice lattes and the craving for all things pumpkin, no humidity, what could be better? I can't wait for the leaves to change and to get out my fall clothes, which by the way don't fit, so I guess I will have to get a new fall wardrobe...yikes!
Unlike most of my friends, I am not a fan of sundresses, skirts, shorts, bathing suits or anything of the like. Sandals are ok, but they make my feet hurt and I always feel like I have to have a pedicure. The fact that I am fair skinned (vampire chic) and my wardrobe primarily brown, gray and blue is also much for acceptable in the fall. I love bundling up in sweatshirts and blankets and fluffy socks and I am ridiculously excited about the fact that our new house has a wood burning fire place. I'm in heaven.
I also got out my knitting bag full of beautiful yarn and half finished projects that were interrupted by the birth of a certain little boy. I found a cute knitting shop across the street from my neighborhood and am looking forward to taking some classes this fall.

Reading Jane Austen makes me happy fall is coming too. Long walks in the cool autumn air and returning to a cozy cottage for a cup of tea, delicious! I just got to the part in Sense & Sensibility where Willoughby takes sudden leave for an indefinite period of time and the Dashwoods are heartbroken and wondering why. Elinor and Mrs. Dashwood have speculated as to what could be the reason, but neither has asked Marianne and the reader is left to wonder and speculate as well. The romantic side of me completely feels for Marianne. It must have been so horrible to have the person you love go away and the only way to communicate with them it to simply hope that they write you a letter! That sounds miserable.
The last 2 days Noah has not been sleeping well and Dave has been sick so I have had a harder time keeping up my reading pace. I am about 70 pages in though and hope to get some good reading time this weekend.

J.A. Project: Day 2 Sense & Sensibility

Day 2- 40 pages and 10 chapters in. I am already in love. The words, the writing, the story. After getting through the first chapter of confusing family relations and trying to differentiate the Miss Dashwoods from the Mrs. Dashwoods from the Mrs. John Dashwoods the next 9 chapters flew by. I am already imagining myself living in a small cottage among the English moores. To me, the cottage that the Dashwood ladies move into after loosing their home is much more appealing than the grandeur they left behind. I wish I could spend hours walking through the countryside, "is there a felicity in the world superior to this?".
Marianne Dashwood is already my favorite of the Dashwood women. Can we say drama queen? I adore her lack of sensibilty, her complete romanticism and the way that she says what she thinks. Of course I relate more with Elinor, the sensible eldest sister, and am sometimes shocked by what Marianne says, but that is why I enjoy her character so much. She says of her dream man, "I could not be happy with a man whose every taste did not in every point coincide with my own. He must enter in to all my feelings; the same books, the same music, must charm us both" and of course be spirited and passionate. Those are some serious expectations! Lets hope Willoughby, who just entered the scene, does not disappoint.

The Jane Austen Project: Night One

Tuesday, September 1: Tonight begins my project. The screen door in the living room is open and the air outside is unseasonably cool and crisp, which makes me energized and excited. I am wearing my pajamas, fluffy orange socks and my favorite navy blue sweatshirt from Target.
Glass of Merlot-check. Snack (cheese and crackers)-check. Brand new copy of Sense and Sensibility-check. This is the perfect end to my exhausting day of carrying around consoling a teething baby. Time to relax and read. Jane Austen take me away!

Coffee Spoons

One of my favorite poems, maybe my only favorite poem, is The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock
by T.S Elliot, my favorite poet. I fell in love with it in high school. Here's why-

The yellow fog that rubs its back against the window-panes,
The yellow smoke that rubs its muzzle on the window-panes,
Licked its tongue into the corners of the evening,
Lingered upon the pools that stand in drains,
Let fall upon its back the soot that falls from chimneys,
Slipped by the terrace, made a sudden leap,
And seeing that it was a soft October night,
Curled once about the house, and fell asleep...

There will be time, there will be time
To prepare to meet the faces that you meet;
There will be time to murder and create,
And time for all the works and days of hands
That lift and drop a question on your plate;
Time for you and time for me,
And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
And for a hundred visions and revisions,
Before the taking of toast and tea...

For I have known them already, known them all-
Have known the evenings, mornings, afternoons,
I have measured my life in coffee spoons;
I know the voices dying with the fall
Beneath the music from another room.
So how should I presume?



I know nothing about poetry, another thing I would like to change. I do know that it seems very simple, but extremely complex at the same time. I know how I feel when I read certain poems and I think that is what really matters. Poetry is always something I want to read and write more of.
My second year college roommate was a poetry major and is now getting her M.F.A. in poetry. She would let me read some of her work. I never understood it, yet I always understood it, and felt honored she would share it with me because I felt that it was a window into her heart and life.
That's something I like about poetry. You don't have to fully understand the words or the meaning to get what it is saying. I think most people tend to be intimidated by poetry, the reading and the writing of it, but I also believe that most of us have a lot of poetry living inside of us. We can read it and we can write it because we feel it and experience it each day.

Maybe one day I will become brave and post some of my own poetry on this blog.