Loosing My Mind

I love being a mom, really I do, but some days (most days) I feel like I am loosing my mind. I hate being tired and I hate feeling out of control of my body and mind as I often do.
I don't think I slept at all last night because on top of Noah crying every 3-4 hours, I took a non-drowsy Claritin at 4 in the afternoon and it managed to keep me in this strange state of just barely asleep all night. How do insomniacs survive?
So today I am just tempted to keep Baby Einstein DVD's on repeat, drink 10 pots of coffee and eat chocolate. My house is a mess, even though I cleaned it yesterday for my Mother-in-laws visit and I can't even get Noah to take a nap. I used to be highly judgmental of this lady I nannied for who would pay me to come over so she could clean out her pantry and organize her closets and cook dinner, but oh how I now understand...

In my state of braindeadness I messed up my knitting project last night. It then took me two hours to correct it. I had to pull out 2 rows of stitches, but because I have never done that before and kept messing it up, it turned into more like 10 rows of stitches. Then I had to get all 140 stitches back onto the needle! This was almost impossible and I dropped so many stitches along the way. I almost gave up, but the dread of casting on 140 stitches again and completely starting over was my motivation to keep trying. After lots of sweating, swearing, researching in the Dummies Guide to Knitting and a large glass of 3 buck Chuck I managed to salvage my blanket, but only somewhat. We will see how the finished result looks.

I also caught up a bit on S&S yesterday afternoon. My date with myself turned into going to the Cleaners and CVS, but when Noah took a nap I got up to page 110. Elinor has just found out that Lucy Steele is secretly engaged to Edward, the man that she is in love with and who she thought loved her in return. Reading books from this time period can be so frustrating because you think "can't they just talk openly!". But there were so many social contraints and rules of the time that everyone just seemed to be left guessing-especially the women. However, in regards to the story it does create a great deal of dramatic irony and suspense for the reader, and like every good romance, leaves you wondering 'will they get together in the end?'.

We will see...